Tag Archives: family

Custom-ary

On returning from a soiree, a friend commented on how ‘Canadian-Indians have a good balance.’ This was followed by ‘you want Indian friends that aren’t too Indian, but you don’t want them if they aren’t Indian enough!’ And therein, she succinctly contained our thoughts, a subjective threshold based on a hyphenated identity.

One of the many repercussions of belonging to a former British colony is a fallacy of one’s idea of self. Despite having the most globally significant democracy, India does not have a national language as with most former colonies. Consequently, the knowledge and usage of English becomes a currency to evaluate and discriminate, continuing a tradition of hierarchy

feature image: Simryn Gill, ‘Water Drawing #17‘, 2021, ink on paper. This drawing project is prompted by Charles Darwin’s 1837 sketch ‘Tree of Life’ in which he scribbled down a framework for his speculations in one of his early ‘transmutation’ notebooks. This intuitive drawing of an evolutionary tree is headlined by the words “I think” and is a precursor to Darwin’s radical theory of evolution, common descent, differential survival and natural selection.Kallat invites artists and audiences to consider if Darwin first wrote the words “I think” and then – when words could not capture his emergent thoughts – proceeded to draw, or if the drawing preceded the words. above image: from @indiaartfair, via ritukumarhq; ‘India is known as a glorious melting pot of people, cultures, and beliefs. Diversity and equality are fundamental to our founding principles.’

I am constantly fascinated by Hispanics, who, upon meeting one another, naturally erupt into Spanish, stranger or not. It would be unconventional for me to partake in something akin, regardless of being fluent in three South Asian dialects. So much so that if a contemporary greeted me with a ‘Namaste,’ I would be puzzled.

above image: galleryveda, artist: Ganesh Selvaraj “As an act of interpretation, we approach a visual and apply a metaphor. So first, we see a reference, and then we try to interpret it

Language imparts culture, but our mundanity sublimates our heritage. Indians dispose of Styrofoam and redistribute takeout in proper serve-ware when hosting. Ukrainians disdain the legal formality names evoke thus Aanya transforms to Aan-ichka. Similarly, Latinos add suffixes’: Juan-ito, Hernan-cito, Ev-ita, and Laur-ita, diminutive sounding forms yielding a burst of love. And when Persians meet, it’s customary to inquire how relatives are faring; this can last up to an hour.

I would like to believe generations have taken turns depositing small aggregates of an immutable sense of who we truly are.

above image: galleryveda, artist: Alagarraja ponniyah. In his works he represent the timeline in the minds of the viewers to reflect our history, present, and our future. He used reflective materials to not only reflect the objects placed before it, but also human emotions and constant changes of time. It depicts the visuality of human emotions in today’s world. He believes that if the world is a mirror of our inner world, any emotion we experience in our world is a reflection of our thought patterns and actions. The mirroring phenomena he explores are also the dualities of history and future, technology and environment.

Respect

“Don’t say ‘uncle’ just call me Ashok!”  I shuddered every time I heard this as Indians refrain from addressing their elder’s by name. 

The notion of respect is deeply entrenched in South Asian culture. Every relationship is given a title of veneration. This reverence is not limited to people but also transcends onto inanimate objects: money, food, books and divine images topped the hierarchy creating a parallel caste system.
As children, if any were treated recklessly, we were admonished and required to touch the object with our forehead to absolve ourselves.

I once read how in India there was a residential building whose sidewall had become a makeshift urinal. Unbearable pungent odors led the inhabitants to place prohibiting signs in vain. Only when the trifecta of Hindu gods –Bramha Vishnu & Shiva, were painted did the dual use of the wall cease. It remains to be determined whether respect or fear was the driving force.

feature image: Perception and Reflection by Rana Begum’s, source; Art-agenda /Comprised entirely of reflectors, her work describes our ever-evolving built environment. Inspired by the straightforward patterns and vibrant colors of roadsigns and the way in which their surfaces shift as the day progresses, these works too shift and change as light exposure varies and as viewers walk around them. above image: photograph by Steve McCurry


This year, we celebrated the auspicious penultimate day of Navratri with friends.
What became apparent was our fallacy in assuming (recently) naturalized Americans would have a thorough knowledge of religious and cultural rites. I started to recognize the breakdown in the transmission of information from one generation to the next.

Recalling how after 25 years, when Sri returned to Sri Lanka, he hoped to learn why consuming meat on Fridays was disdained. Much to his chagrin he discovered no-one knew; generations had yielded without questioning.
I began to consider that perhaps when respect is mandated, a divide may manifest, impeding conversation and preventing vertical integration.

One afternoon while on the front lawn of our new home, a neighbor approached us and Shyla exclaimed, ‘that’s Sashi!’ As she drew closer, I noticed she was about my mother’s age and I whispered ‘Sweetie say Sashi aunty’ and she persisted ‘Sashi!’ Could dropping the honorifics break down barriers?

(L) Three Women by Jamini Roy (1887-1972), source; British museum / This particular work is one of Roy’s iconic images: that of Bengali women. Roy is critical to any narrative of the development of modern Indian art in the early 20th C when there was a frantic search for roots and identity. Roy turned away from prevailing styles and looked back to the visual stimuli of his childhood: the folk arts of Bengal. He used this storehouse of forms to create a new pictorial language, irrevocably Indian in execution and feeling, yet simultaneously modern in its treatment of the two-dimensional reality of the picture plane (M) piece by Maria Qamar, source; hatecopy (R) In Myanmar, Colgate prints interactive educational information in toothpaste boxes design by; redfuse and Young & Rubicam, source; border and fall

Guests

Growing up traveling in the Indian context was quite different. Neither Film festivals, culinary experiences, nor art exhibitions determined vacation destinations; in fact, what held the most clout was where extended family resided. This was the norm. Living in a niche city such as Toronto, my parent’s home was and still emulates a subway turn stall. Consequently, I was continuously displaced from my room, and at one point, sought refuge at University of Toronto’s dormitory. There is a Hindi proverb that plays on the rhyming words of ‘guest’ and ‘god’ (Mehman Bhagwan hota hai) localizing them as one. Thus easing the parental conscious for having their child’s room usurped.

Our home was void of hotel luxuries and conveniences and yet we were always at full occupancy. I was amazed at how anyone appreciated this style of ‘traveling’. One might even speculate why real estate board’s hadn’t developed packages brokering houses juxtaposed to one another; one for the family and another for the plethora of visitors.

A Western mentality had taken over my Indian sensibilities. For It was customary during weddings to have basements converted to hostels for out-of-towners. And despite having one bathroom for every five people, no one based their overall enjoyment upon this. It seemed the more one shared their truer self the happier they were.

(feature image) Jaipur’s, Panna Meena Ka Kund by Melissa Hom, source, the culture gully /stepwell (L) Churchgate Station in Mumbai by Sebastião Salgado, source, Christie’s /Artspace: For his Migrations series, Sebastião Salgado poetically documented population growth and displacement around the globe. Here, commuting masses collide on the platform of one of Mumbai’s major transportation hubs, the Churchgate Station. (M) people watching a wrestling match by Poras Chaudhary /…has been intrigued by the visually striking moments, may they be special for their color, composition or just the moment’s rarity in time. (R) “Last Super” by Vivek Vilasini, source, invaluable /The Times of India reported, brings forth contemporary global concerns on the issues of faith and betrayal-even as he blends western and eastern nuances in iconography. The Kathakali dancers create a choreography of sorts, as sit at the table with the traditional banana leaf and typical Kerala sadya.


The opposite also appeared to be true. Last autumn in France a recently immigrated Indian woman summed up Parisian life as ‘too much formality.’ With disdain she spoke of having ‘to book an appointment’ to see a friend. She lamented the absence of spontaneity and begrudgingly succumbed to convenient prescribed meetings.

I’ve come to realize these aggregated inconveniences are what foster bonds. Make-shift beds, a dining table for six equipping twelve, and intimate audible squabbles all serve to make one feel truly comfortable. Perhaps this is an evolutionary vestige of a deep seeded need to live communally.

We have noticed some introversion in Shyla. Socially, at first she remains sidelined, assessing, before delving in, which can last up to two hours. When finally we are ready to depart, she engages. Then it dawned on me—maybe her natural Indian predisposition manifests not in needing frequency, but rather concentration.

Hosting

I once rotated with a Radiologist from a modest background, as was her Gastroenterologist husband. Originally Indian citizens, they were now emblematic of the American dream: residing in an affluent area, privately educated children, and the ability to travel and explore interests fully.
She spoke of how they socialized with two distinct groups — one resonated with their past and the other was in keeping with their present. When I inquired if there was a preference of company, there was a pause. She described how the women of the former set would flock to the kitchen after dinner where exhaustive talk of suitable Tupperware abounded. Preferring a more notable end, she refrained from joining and remained with more interesting conversations amongst the men. I realized my parent’s hosting shared the same fate, and was inspired to prevent a recapitulation. Thus my foray was Shyla’s first birthday party where hired help prevented friends from being uprooted or obliged.

This bore to mind when attending a child’s birthday party, dinner at my neighbor’s and a baptism of twins. At the birthday, grandparents maintained order; our neighbor’s brother-in-laws were stationed in the kitchen; and the baptism’s execution was facilitated by an entourage of relatives. It was fascinating to observe the self-directed assistance paying credence to family coming together. Realizing that in thwarting this type of generosity was I in essence preventing familial ties from developing?

featured image: Batatyachi Chaal by Priyanka Karyekar (L) source; the culture gallery (R) source; Rastah/photographer, Rabia Ayub

Hindi films

Having no family in a 30-mile radius means creating and relying on an army of sitters. 

One of my mandates for a sitter is no screen time for Shyla; I’m starting to appreciate the irony in this because outside of homework almost all my time spent with Mataji involved watching Hindi films. Yes Hindi not ‘Bollywood’ films as what they started to ubiquitously be termed in the 90’s. Not surprisingly coinciding with the economic liberalization of India whose goal was to attract more foreign investment. This intrusion of the west brought with it a standardization of beauty and a resurgence of a post-colonial hangover transforming once again India’s sense of ‘Self’.

When I was young there was no need for the books I seek for my child; advocating emotional intelligence by illustrating that her heart can be pink with love, green with anger or yellow with courageousness. Instead I had Amitabh Bachchan. Undoubtedly one of the most influential actors in world cinema, and as child born in the 70’s I watched this star rise. He could be a romantic, an angry young man, a comedian and voice of reason. The Indian lens would deliberately loom over an actor’s face for an exaggerated response and contemplation in an eight year old. Not having the sophistication to gauge what was transpiring without fail l would incessantly ask Mataji as to what they were the thinking——and to this day it still surprises me that she responded every time. In the process I learned about human nature and cultural idioms. 

I recognize the same curiosity in Shyla and now question whether I should incorporate Bollywood in her life as a means to introduce some form of culture and language in a world deficient of such.

feature image: Tabu, a scene from Iruvar /new Indian express; images from top left: Sholay movie poster, amazon; Sanjeev Kumar imdb; Shashi Kapoor /the culture trip; Amitabh Bachchan/ India Today; Dharmendra-Sharmilla Tagore in scene from Anupama /dailyo